Invisibility was not an option

Extrovert? Ham? Show off? I wish is was that simple…there is no feeling worse than being powerless and at the mercy of your environment. Although my nervous energy might have been channeled horribly  without direction it was still an attempt to control an atmosphere, to control the energy of others. When you enter a room you read the crowd/energy and see what direction you want to take meaning whether you want to engage or leave. A child has no choice but to be in a environment that is controlled by others so once I saw that I had some power (negative/ humor) over a crowd or person I tried to be the rule maker/ center of attention and tried to be the entertainer so that I could win the crowd.I did not trust others to be in charge of anything therefore I became a competitive fool..

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