The Challenges of Life and Change

facebook-20150105-032122

I never did a long Prison sentence such as (20 to life) for an example and sadly there is a hierarchy in these environments as well as any such as people saying,  “So you did a skid bid?” meaning that  it wasn’t that long therefore non impressive but the same people who are locked up are the same people in my communities, so whether you are in prison or free your life can be oppressed and stagnated. A self fulfilled prophecy of continuous self sabotage and since it would take away from my credibility to play the blame game or the victim I will be objective but the reality is that there is a tendency for the people who had the power to make a “change” in the structures and so-called Assistance/ Felons/HIV/Transitional/Counseling/Recovery/Mental health establishments that get paid extra to help a population that have “Issues”  blame the people they could have assisted (Blame the victim) . The reason why I am elaborating on this is because I am in the process of transitioning from being on (S.S.I) public assistance to living off what I make in the work force, both are minimal but the later has a better feel and sound to it, not to mention a better prospect of having a better quality of life( now and in the future). The problem is  besides having to( bust your ass ) to get an education, get clean, do damage control of your mind,body and soul and get self-awareness is…..the emotional strain of “change” and the way you feel when you are trying to let go of the F- its and the EGO that tries to sound powerful to compensate for your broken spirit and sense of inferiority. So how you are received by your new environment has a big impact on you. I have to go to a primary care doctor for HIV ( Med’s and blood work) periodically and mental health to get med’s for P.T.S.D but I still managed to graduate from Hunter College with a Bachelors of Sociology and I currently work with HEP- C treatment navigation but the stigma is STILL THERE….I had to change my medical and mental health doctors due to not being able to travel and I decided to do it EXACTLY where I work and it made sense to me. Nothing complicated because I am pro-active and doing daily well under the circumstances but the Psychiatrist didn’t even get to a chance to see what I have accomplished before belittling me, doubting my diagnosis asking me why I don’t work (meanwhile I work where he works) and making me feel like a low life that just wants to get over…he finally calmed his attitude once he realized I don’t get high/ do work/ and do have P.T.S.D but then he went to saying I shouldn’t take Klonopin’s with my history (Benzo) and I am on almost the smallest amount that can be prescribed and he is already using his power to make decisions in my life that could be detrimental . I am not worried about it because I am not trying to be comfortably numb and all I needed was a continuation of my limited but effective medications so if I have been clean and sober 7 yrs and work and got an education and plan to go to graduate school next year AND go to school NOW at night for C.A.S.A.T why would someone talk to me like I am a nobody and then want to change something that has worked?? Be pro active in your life and research your meds and don’t let people use their position to bully you.

Comments

One comment on “The Challenges of Life and Change”
  1. You are amazing and working so hard on yourself. Well done.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s