I used to cut myself, then I chewed the inside of my mouth
mouth like it was a sandwich,I bit my nails and then
I evolved to masturbation…
No I wasn’t horny, I didn’t even know about sex yet
but I had to change the way I felt
any altered state would do
I became empowered in my teens
I learned to break things and vandalize
I became a prankster with the aid of my friends
we stole a giant Xmas tree out of lobby
just to throw it through a window
We mooned the windows of a 5-star restaurant
Just to make them as uncomfortable as me
How dare people have a happy family?
how dare people have a happy home?
while mine felt so unstable…The
inner awkwardness led to a sub culture
The anger led to a counter-culture
The fear led me to drugs
They say that misery can lead to creativity
So I am finding new ways to deal with anxiety
such as cutting my own hair, painting my own house
and Doodling….it is a way to cope and I like it.