I remember someone who was deciding what “job detail” I was supposed to have in prison. He said I was going to horticulture and said when I was on my way out, “Yeah McCarthy, you need to smell the roses” I had no idea what horticulture meant and never made it. Due to my anxiety going to mess halls I was a time bomb, it felt like torture and eventually I had a fight. After being segregated I came out and was supposed to work in “electrical” and although I would have loved to be a Macgyver that could fix and alter anything and everything I didn’t last a week due to another meltdown. I got used to being recognized as a reckless individual and I thought that would be a way to make people leave me alone and although lonely I still got attention without having to interact. I was the star of my own “low budget bad movie.” Life has changed and improved now but I still have to slow down and learn to smell the roses, even if it is just one.