I lay down to sleep after working out
and hitting a heavy bag
that I have in my studio apt
See I am a “tough guy” so I need
my rest, tomorrow is a new challenge
I try to slow down my thoughts
but I realize there is a draft
on my back so I quickly wrap the blanket
around my backside and make sure no skin
is exposed then start to relax but
I realize my foot is dangling off the bed where
it’s dark and gives me a signal it is not alone so
I quickly pull my foot into the bottom of bed…
Now I have all limbs tucked in and accounted for
If they want to get me, it will have to go through
my blanket first which buys me time
Finally, I glance at my cat that has gone to sleep
in a corner with his back to the wall like usual
I wonder if when a Cat tries to fit in a box
is it because they feel their sides are all covered?
Just like a cat I need to feel there is a shield
between me and the world even
as meek as a blanket
between me and the unknown.
“You promise”? I asked
Yes he replied
“We only have one needle,” I said so
I will go after you because you know I am sick
“Nah, I got my own,” he said
“You know a lot of people died from this lately, so you think
it’s cut with some foul shit or it’s just really good”?
“Well fuck it because I am sick and I need to get straight
so here I go” I said as my hands shook uncontrollably
Again I asked ” You promise if I fall out and OD you will
get me help”?
I promise he said…
Feeling overwhelmed by noise/crowds and the hustle bustle of NYC can make a person climb into their bed like it is a hiding place after a draining day that felt like an emotional war and physical storm. To strive and thrive one has to choose their battles and sometimes just doing what is necessary is enough of a burden and challenge.
It is a funny feeling to feel anti social due to anxiety and lack of energy but still want to feel that you will not have to walk the walk of loneliness forever. Its also a funny feeling to feel bashful and awkward to share your baggage with another but at the same time feel you are to good to settle.