Month: September 2017

Is it safe yet?

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I lay down to sleep after working out

and hitting a heavy bag

that I have in my studio apt

See I am a “tough guy” so I need

my rest, tomorrow is a new challenge

I try to slow down my thoughts

but I realize there is a draft

on my back so I quickly wrap the blanket

around my backside and make sure no skin

is exposed then start to relax but

I realize my foot is dangling off the bed where

it’s dark and gives me a signal it is not alone so

I quickly pull my foot into the bottom of bed…

Now I have all limbs tucked in and accounted for

If they want to get me, it will have to go through

my blanket first which buys me time

Finally, I glance at my cat that has gone to sleep

in a corner with his back to the wall like usual

I wonder if when a Cat tries to fit in a box

is it because they feel their sides are all covered?

Just like a cat I need to feel there is a shield

between me and the world even

as meek as a blanket

between me and the unknown.

Tales of an addict

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“You promise”? I asked

Yes he replied

“We only have one needle,” I said so

I will go after you because you know I am sick

“Nah, I got my own,” he said

“You know a lot of people died from this lately, so you think

it’s cut with some foul shit or it’s just really good”?

“Well fuck it because I am sick and I need to get straight

so here I go” I said as my hands shook uncontrollably

Again I asked ” You promise if I fall out and OD you will

get me help”?

I promise he said…

Investment of SELF

Feeling overwhelmed by noise/crowds and the hustle bustle of NYC can make a person climb into their bed like it is a hiding place after a draining day that felt like an emotional war and physical storm. To strive and thrive one has to choose their battles and sometimes just doing what is necessary is enough of a burden and challenge.

It is a funny feeling to feel anti social due to anxiety and lack of energy but still want to feel that you will not have to walk the walk of loneliness forever. Its also a funny feeling to feel bashful and awkward to share your baggage with another but at the same time feel you are to good to settle.

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