Month: October 2017

The Fear of EXPOSURE

 

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If I Punch you fast you will never see

the tremor in my hand

If I act like I have somewhere to go

You will never see my lack of direction

If I tell jokes all the time

you will not see my sadness

If I act like I hate being around people

You will never know my loneliness

If I act like I don’t want to be part of society

You will never know that I felt I didn’t have

a place in it …

Being in a cell 23 hrs a day and taking showers

in cages waiting for a letter that never comes

makes you decide that you don’t want to be

part of the world because it hurts less

then feeling the world already forgot about you.

A Comfort Zone

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As a child, I never had a stable home

I moved from place to place and

and situation to situation

Always feeling like an outsider

I felt I had to be the entertainer

or even a fighter to win acceptance

Being a Chameleon

not knowing who you are

due to having to change and

survive to suit every situation

it made me feel scared and alone

I used to think about a dream home

which could have been a hole in the wall

A space that nobody wanted as long

as it could be mine forever and I

knew when I went out there was

always a door for me waiting for me.

To be opened and closed behind

me to feel safe.and feel I belonged.

 

 

Health or Insecurity?

20171005_105440It is past the “Muffin Top” situation. It is crazy because for someone that didnt have kids my stomach seemed to have a new tenant move in. Now i know age doesnt do wonders for the physique but this was extra. When I say extra I mean Lipodystrophy which is a condition caused by the old HIV meds that had AZT in them. They called in a (cocktail) meaning a combo of meds mixed into one pill. To be honest at the time I felt that life was over rated but chose not to die and took this simple regimen. The fat that is dangerous is the viseralfat that is inside with your organs and since it felt like a cement had hardened right under my ribs I have resorted to COOL SCUPLTING. I will let you now if it works. There are a lot of cosmetic angles aimed at insecurity but liposuction cannot go to the inside fat.

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